Acceptance Speech

Acceptance Speech (c)

By Michael Casey

Thank you Navy Seals for getting me here

Ryan air didn’t complain when you carried me on as hand luggage

And stuffed me in the luggage rack

They didn’t check your bulges under your macs either

Flasher macs, not apple macs

you have to be quick on the draw

whipping out your pistol

Am I speaking code, Rodger the Dodger used to say I did

But he was a golfer and I’ve not seen him since 2005

He’ll swing better than Trump

and his score is real

But I digress, I am frightened of flying after all

So the Navy Seals were being kind to me

And if I had a funny turn, Mandy was there ready

So now here I am to accept the Nobel prize for Literature

The Seals are laughing like seals and banging their flippers

The doormen were too scared to not let them in

I won the prize fair and square

An obscure writer that nobody has heard of 

or even read in any language

Though on every street corner in Singapore

Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades

from Birmingham England

is all the rage

Is it because of my looks

or the weight of my books

or just because I’m a cult

or a writer

or maybe just a W C 

a Writer Cult

or did they say something similar

It’s hard to hear with Tinnitus in your ear

another W word

or another C word

Snoop Dog would know

he calls me a soinso

or maybe another word

he is so tall his words fail to reach my ears

Anyway

To get my 1,000,000 from Nobel I have to give a speech

I only accepted for the money

Other awards give you nothing but a plastic trophy

the 2023 bin liners award from your local supermarket

so  I don’t want one

and Charlie may be Camilla’s darling

but a Knighthood if there’s no money attached

leave it in the back of the fridge

I have seen people advertise how to get awards

I think that proves my point

I’d rather have 3 pints free every Saturday at a Pub Chain

For life, and that would not cost them much

considering my Health Record

So Nobel I accept your money

Will it increase my sales from Zero to Zero plus one

as everybody reads for free on my websites

Only if Putin condemns me from his Pulpit

would my sales begin

But I’d rather fart in his face

as he is a disgrace to the human race

So here I am in a crumple hazmat suit

the Navy Seals I wore it

but I did steal a Rosary beads on the way in

so when I finish my 1 hour speech

of thanks to Nobel

I could borrow a stick of dynamite

and tell Putin to eat it

while I say a Rosary 

I do like to be different after all

and then we can all get drunk 

on the free Stella Artois for life

though I do have a friend next door

who might appreciate it too

and his Good Wife likes chocolate

so I’d ramble on and on and on

just. like a politician

finishing by throwing

Clotted Cream at the audience

they can lick the smile off their faces

Cheshire Cats all of them

or is that a Metaphor

Who know’s it is Literature after all

and Nobel gave me a prize for mine

or does the stick of Dynamite

go up my backside or Putin’s

You decide

Because I’m Worth it

there are nicer photos, but these are more realistic

come and type for me, and make soup, and you can photo me for your instagram

whatever that is, a pot noodle maybe?

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