Down and Out

Down and Out ©

By

Michael Casey

 

Well the flu is leaving me like a receding tide, just leaving snot stains on my nose and on my sleeve where I could not find my tissue in time. So I decided to put some Genesis on, starting over the writing again, only I picked the wrong track which means I’m listening to Down and Out from And Then There Were Three Album. It does not matter It gives me another direction to point at. Yes, I’ve been Down and Out a few times in my life, but I always get back up again, and yes just before Dawn is the worst point. So you just have to dust yourself off and try again, and again and again and again and again. If you are one of my readers in Russia you know all about not giving in, you had the Nazi bastards in your living room and in your cellar, but you beat them, you beat them, Mother Russia beat them.

 

When you are down it can be hard so depressing, so you have to brighten your life up. Get out of the house and take a walk in the park, watch the tulips grow, watch the little old ladies walk in the snow. Go to the chip shop and try chatting up the girl behind the counter, only you never saw her large wedding ring, and her husband is as big as an Ox carrying in not one but two sacks of potatoes at a time. Then her gay brother tries chatting you up instead. Life is strange, but at least you got out the house and talked to a human voice, not shouting at the radio and its vacuous presenters who are cloned from plastic coffee cups polluting the world.

 

So you end up having a gay friend, your first ever gay friend, but at least you get free chips, and the Ox of a man likes you too, because you are kind to his gay brother in law. Sometimes good things come when you least expect them, Tim confides in you, he says you are so nice you could be gay too. A compliment you’d rather not have, so you boast about your large collection of magazines under your mattress. So Tim sniggers, so you show his some, just to prove how straight you are.

 

This has unintended consequences, Tim looks at the naked girls and says what kind of look or fashion would suit them best, before they are fully undressed. Otherwise he’s not interested. You joke and say you’d like a job taking such photos. Tim reveals a friend of his, a gay friend is in actual fact a Fashion Photographer, not a very famous one, but nevertheless that’s his job. Then you finish eating your chips.

 

So life is hard, but you’ve made a new friend just when you thought you’d had your chips, and life was rubbing salt in your wounds, and you were ready for that final drink of vinegar. Tim said he’d take you somewhere special. So you caught two buses in the Autumn chill, then you came to a warehouse in Tipton. You were at Flash Harry’s it was his fashion photographer’s place.

 

Just pretend you are gay, instructs Tim. So you pretend you are gay as Tim leans into you, as close as an Arab when talking. The British have a personal space that is much bigger, but different nationalities have different person spaces. Then you see Flash Harry taking photos of naked girls, it’s too good to be true, but you are gay so you cannot make any crass comments. After an hour, you realise that posing is not just standing there, and you appreciate what Harry is trying to do.

 

Tim lies that you are a bit of a snapper yourself and have a large portfolio, he’s talking about under your mattress. So Flash Harry hands you a camera while he puts the kettle on. Mary from the Dairy asks how do you want her, so you bite your lip. But once the camera is between you and her it feels different, just ask any real photographer. So you spend 10 minutes taking photos. Flash Harry comes back with the teas and Mary from the Dairy puts a dressing gown on.

 

Over tea they bring your snaps up on the monitor. And guess what, you have the gift. So there you are, you were down and nearly out but you found a way out via the chip shop. So you go to a gay club,by the Jester in Birmingham to celebrate your new career as a Fashion Photographer. You meet loads of the gay community, men and women, and straight girls who enjoy the best music in gay bars.

 

Everything is coming up roses, but there always cave men out here, so you are bullied for being gay, despite your protests, but you have to protect Tim, he’s smaller than you, and it’s the very least you can do after his friendship has lead to a new life for you. Run you scream to Tim, run I’ll hold them back. Tim wants to stay but he runs as your curse him to. You get a beating and it could have continued, but out of the darkness the Ox appears, he’s moonlighting as security nearby. He saves you,but as for the cavemen they have had their chips as they get thrown into the Canal, we have more canals than Venice here in Birmingham, not a lot of people know that.

 

After that your life is great, news spreads, the chip eater took a beating for his gay friend, and a Ox a man mountain appeared to save the day. Flash Harry makes you a partner in the business, you really do have the gift. No need for the portfolio under your mattress, all day long you are taking photos of naked women. But now you realise that a women is a person, and you feel almost ashamed. Mary from the Dairy becomes a friend, and then more. She takes your photo naked just so you can feel what it feels like. You hate it, and delete the photos. But the love for her keeps on growing.

 

So the moral of the story is, have some chips and add some salt to your life, life is not all vinegar, even on your darkest day. And no you cannot take naked photos of me, not unless your name is Mary from the Dairy.