Masking Your Feelings

Masking Your Feelings ©

By

Michael Casey

 

I was wondering what to talk about tonight, and I put some Music on to mask the noise of my Tinnitus, and I had been checking somebody out by doing a few Googles when I thought that’s it Masking Feelings. People hide or mask things, directly or indirectly, sometimes for good reasons and sometimes for bad. Tinnitus is the latest thing that has arrived to annoy me, 9 months ago or so. In the quiet of the night it can really annoy, so I have music to drown it as I try and get to sleep.

In the day ambient noise drowns it, so hiss hiss hooray.

 

What else do we hide? We hide the fact we have the hots for Helen, we don’t want her to know, or rather her big hulking brother who knock us into the middle of next week if ever he found out. This goes on for months, until one day the brother breaks a leg so he is off for 3 months and this is your chance. You leap for joy when you hear he’s broken his leg, then have to pretend sympathy when Helen tells you the news.

 

But it does give a chance for a tender romance to start, 12 weeks of bliss, where each bit of news about his improvement is bad news as far as you are concerned.But you have to feign happiness when inside you just wish he’d break his leg again. Which reminds me of John Gordon, one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, though HE did break his leg twice, almost habit forming. He actually saved our company but did it all very modestly, if my memory serves. He hid his light under a bushel while he worked under the cover of kindness.

 

Michael, just go to the bar and get the drinks in, HE would no doubt say right now, with Barry and Steve seconding the motion. So what else do we mask? Some people buy more beers than others, because it lubricates friendship, but they pretend it does not matter. Or do they have no friends so they “buy” friends with beer. Or do they just have more cash because they don’t drink, just buy beers, sounds all very Irish I suppose.

I’ve seen many an alcoholic, decades of them, so I know drink can hide pain, the loss of a marriage, or the loss of a job, and even losing both because of the drink. It is a circle after all. I was the sandy drinker, the light drinker, but most of our lodgers were alcoholics, and I was born in the shadow of a brewery, then I worked for a market research company into alcohol sales for 21 years. Yes Really, I’m not making it up.

 

Rivalries at work can be terrible, we may have to hide the fact we hate this person or that person. But that’s not as bad as being overlooked for promotion and the dullard gets the job, and then they are your boss. You would leave but you have nowhere to go, so you hide your feelings and get on with the job. Does that sound familiar, have you been there? So you go home and kick a punchbag instead. One Lady I know, and she is a Lady became a Brown Belt, I don’t know was it because she thought of the company hate figure as she practiced or not, she really was a remarkable Lady. If she is reading this I hope she is not climbing the stairs still. Maybe she opened her own Martial Arts school instead.

 

Working through pain is the hardest thing of all, and I don’t mean physical pain. Imagine your child is sick but you still have to go to work, you still have to carry on while your child is at death’s door. You have to have a mask or you’d go mad with pain and tears. Your fellow workers don’t know what to say.

 

Then the cleaner who everybody despises, it’s her who comes and gives you a big hug, and then the tears fall, the much needed tears fall. Your colleagues are about to scold the cleaner, for making you cry, but you hold Jane closer to you. She is better than any pills, any counselling, better than your friends. Because she jumped the barrier of reserve, she knew only a hug would do, so she gave you one.

 

Now the barriers fall, Jane the cleaner is recognised for what she is, the cog, the oil that lubricates the office. She gets Christmas presents in the future, she is more the confessional for the office, she’s is Nan, for real she is Nan. I might add my life has been spent talking to cleaners, so I know their real value.

 

To finish I’d say let those feelings out, tell somebody you love them, say you need a hug, ask and you will receive, knock that door if you need help. Don’t bottle things up, you can do lots of things with a bottle after all. I know what you are all thinking, Michael Casey’s brother used to leave pee in bottles knowing I’d drink it. So on that note I’ll drink to your health, and mine.

SOME  TRANSLATIONS TOO, now tell everybody on Facebook

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