Email is the Devil’s Own Work

Email is the Devil’s Own Work ©

By

Michael Casey

 

Well I hurt myself again, we had a bulk delivery of cat food, 24kilos worth, which is a suitcase weight. I did shift it bit by bit, but post quadruple heart bypass if I lift stuff the next few days I suffer for it. The moral of the story is DO NOT CARRY ANYTHING. One day I will give up.

 

Which brings me to today’s story, Email is the Devil’s Own Work, if I pause it’s because of the pain, chest, shoulder and head. Now I love email, I’ve been a big fan and user for over 20 years. If I read something I may send off an email of support or love to somebody in the news. I may even send some poetry. And yes I have had some very kind responses.

 

I have also sent some emails trying to get my foot in the door, but sadly it seems to be a closed shop, so no luck there. But this morning I have readers in Pakistan and South Korea and somebody in USA is reading an Arabic translation of one of my books. So the question is why are they blocking the door with their foot against it? Am I that odious, ok, I’ll have a shower and then come back to you.

 

An email is a way of saying, HEY I EXIST TOO AND I CAN WRITE BETTER THAN YOU. But again it seems to be a closed shop and everything is so niche orientated. I have to write about snails before I can blog about snail escargot etc. So I like to break the straight jacket by sending an email, and yes it’s more a way of venting. Though I can and do write satire instead and then I watch the viewing figures.

 

Though some things on SNL do seem tame compared to what used to be in the UK. And no I haven’t seen enough of SNL to make such a sweeping statement, but Americans do laugh at anything and humour does have to be telegraphed for them.

 

Ok, wipe the budweiser off the screen, I know I’ve hurt your feelings, by the way real men drink Stella Artois. Put that baseball bat down, Cindy bought the tv, it’s not yours to break. Calm down and I’ll give you a twinky. What is a twinky by the way?

 

Twitter is ping and pong and does cause a stink, and people are too aggressive. It should be banned, if only to quieten Donald Trump. An email is more considered and calm. No doubt he got great grades at composition, hence the lawsuit to protect his grades. I was thinking about Donald in bed, no not in that way, he’s the wrong gender to start with and I don’t like blonds or rather blondes. I was wondered why is he so fixated about his grades, yet he wants everybody else to have full disclosure, apart from him and his taxes or the fact he doesn’t pay any.

 

Then I thought the only way to beat him at the Election is to have a Black Woman or a Gay Man against him. He wouldn’t know which way to turn. But what has this got to do with email. Well he never answers any of my emails. If he bothered to reply he might not have as many enemas or is enemies. Ok I’m lying he wouldn’t give me the time of day. But what if?

 

So Donald your tie was too short today, it should reach your knees, or if it were longer you could tie it around your body like those Japanese wrestlers, not that I’m saying you’re FAT.

 

Dear MIKE,I know you hate being called MIKE, so MIKE it always will be, you are such a loser like that McCain who was not able. See I can make jokes too.How dare you criticise my tie, its real silk, all the way from CHINA.

 

My mother in law could have got you discount,she makes them in her back bedroom in Shanghai, she can also do your books as she is an accountant.

 

Does she speak English?

 

Why?

 

If she cannot read English then she cannot tell the IRS what the figures relate to.

 

You can really imagine this, Donald Trump and me having an email pen friendship. He’d be jealous of my hair, so why would he talk to me? A chance to talk to a common man with a perspective outside the USA, I could say I was born in Germany like his dad. Even that is a lie, his dad was born in USA.

 

Let’s leave Trump with his lies, email is fun, you can connect with friends and family and annoy people and rattle a few cages too. Though people prefer Twitter because they think they are witty, but  all you can do on Twitter is start wars. But who would do that? In the old days Victoria and Albert wrote letters and the rest is History.

 

I need to finish now due to the pain, you feel it too? You are so cruel, my writing is not that bad. You should save all your emails because they are the 1^st draft of History. Ok not if the FBI may find out the Truth, but otherwise email is the modern diary, the modern first acts of love, first beginnings of new business, though not love as a business as that is something totally different and then the FBI really would want to see who was serving who.