Father Michael S.J. from 7 years ago

Father Michael S.J. ©

By

Michael Casey

Michael just loved Louise to bits but sadly she did not love him , as she kept on telling

him . She was waiting for her dream man , but sadly he would never appear , so Michael had

to look elsewhere for a home for his love . So as he was beginning to learn Italian he thought

what if . What if he went to Rome , to the English College and trained for the priesthood , at

least his Italian would come in handy . Besides he just loved gossip and the confessional was

the perfect place to pick up hot juicy gossip . Then just think of it once he got back to England

and a Parish of his own he’d have a housekeeper , no more vacuum-cleaning for him, and

then he’d be invited out to people’s homes , so he’d never have to live off frozen food and a

cold life again . The more he thought about it , the more the idea appealed to him , yes he’d go

off to Rome and train for the priesthood . There was the question of sex of course , but he’d

cross that bridge when he came to it . There would always be a caring woman , even if they

didn’t actually have sex , it would be a kind of relationship of sorts , so he wouldn’t be lonely

, he was very talkative after all , he’d soon make friends of all sorts . He could be discrete

when he had to be after all .

So Michael started learning Italian , the book said put on a fake Italian accent and

mimic the tapes , he did feel a fool but if that was the way to learn then that’s what he’d do .

Good job nobody could see him as he first pretended to be the “Godfather” and then Don

Camillo . It was a sing-song kind of accent , up and down like a merry-go-round , but without

the dizzy sensation . He did four half hour lessons over the weekend , if it wasn’t fun he’d be

bored , so by using the little often method he was soon feeling comfortable with Italian .

Rome was nice , it always felt warm , well compared to Birmingham anyway .

Michael’s Italian wasn’t really needed as he was at the English College after all , but once

lessons were over he’d put some jeans on with an old tee shirt too , he ditched the shirt and tie

the first week he was there , it was just too hot . So jeans and tee shirt was his off duty

“uniform” , wandering around Rome was educational , everything seem vibrant , the accent

was funny at first , but after a month it no longer made him smile , they really did speak like

that , a sing song language , like birds twittering on trees . The prostitutes were also notable

by their beauty , if they were so pretty surely they didn’t need to sell their bodies , but it was

the oldest profession in the world , with story telling being the second oldest profession , no

doubt spilling the beans on who’d done what with whom . The girls grew to recognise Michael

, they called him a faggot at first when he turned down their offers of sex , until finally he told

them he was training for the priesthood . He was just sight-seeing , the “girls” hung out at the

popular sights , eager to pick up passing custom , so while Michael sat by the Trevi Fountain ,

and the Coliseum , and other popular places he’d see faces again and again . So soon he’d get

a nod and a wink from the girls as they waited for custom . He also saw them at early Sunday

Mass , they were still good Catholic girls after all .It was while he was sitting next to the Trevi

fountain that he met Maria , she was an Irish nun from Kerry . So Michael told her that his

family were Kerry people too , that broke the ice so they soon became firm friends . It was

very humid that night , so Maria took off her veil , only for her long red hair to come

tumbling down . Michael groaned inwardly , he just loved red hair , his lusts soon surfaced .

They went and had a few wines before saying their goodbyes, not before arranging to meet

again . So it soon became a regular feature , Maria would finish at the children’s home and

meet him at 9pm at the Trevi fountain . Soon she stopped wearing a veil , just a tee shirt and a

skirt . Michael’s lusts just grew and grew , and just when he thought they couldn’t get any

bigger they got bigger still .”You know I used to dream of meeting a red head , before I

decided to give my love to God “ he explained . “And I just love big shoulders on a man” came

the reply . Neither of them could stop themselves ,  so soon they were kissing . Several of

Michael’s prostitute friends applauded amongst the crowd ,  one even came up and gave him

the key to her flat . Michael looked at Maria and Maria looked at Michael . Inside five

minutes  they were in bed , having torn the clothes off each other . Celibacy would have to take

a back seat from now on . Maria’s tee shirt was torn in two , Michael’s was in tatters too , as

for the zip on his trousers , well that was just broken asunder . Their passions spent Michael

went through the wardrobe until he found two new tee shirts .

Making their way back to the Trevi fountain they were afraid to look each other in

the eye . Michael handed back the key to one of the girls ,  Antoinette wasn’t there but Julia

promised to return the key . “Nice tee shirts “ she said her hand in front of her mouth hiding

a smile . Michael and Maria parted ,  Maria had broken her vows , and Michael would have

broken  his if he’d had taken them yet . At least Maria wouldn’t be pregnant ,  her boyfriend

had ditched her for being infertile , so she ran away and became a nun , working with

children ,  because she couldn’t have any of her own she loved them the more . As for Michael

at least he hadn’t used a condom , so he hadn’t broken another old fashion Catholic law , so

his  conscience was at least clear on that count . As for the sex ,  well that was fantastic , though

he  wouldn’t mention it to Monsignor Ryan his tutor .

So it soon became a regular fixture  , Michael and Maria would meet by the fountain

and one of the prostitutes would hand Michael the key to her flat . The lust was up to Michael

and Maria . Eventually as the months passed the girls had a spare key made ,  so Michael

ended up with twenty keys on a big chain , he sounded like a Jailor as he walked the keys

jangling .  Rather than a priest who should have the sound of clicking as he walks ,  the sound

of rosary beads rattling . The years rolled by , the girls came to him for spiritual advice , his

only advice was use a condom , don’t catch any diseases from your clients , they are clients

and you are the client service . He also tried to remind them about the difference between love

and sex . Some of the girls did have boyfriends and husbands after all .  Sometimes selling

your body is the only answer if you have mouths to feed and bills to pay . Michael never saw

things in black and white any more , there were always shades of grey .” God is merciful “, is

what  he always said when he finished talking to the girls The time came for Michael’s

ordination ,  and Maria said the sex must stop , she was returning to England and she

wouldn’t  tell him where . Once he took his vows he must return to celibacy .  She would not

lead him astray , yes she’d broken her vows , but that was different , she wasn’t going to help

him break his . Michael couldn’t understand the logic .  He said he’d not take his vows ,  but

she insisted as did the prostitutes , he would make a good preacher and confessor , he had the

gift of listening , of not being judgemental , he would make a good priest , his mind was open .

But Maria’s legs were closed ,  and crossed . There would be no sex ,  he would just have to

accept it .  There would never be a relationship either , so he had to become a priest . If only

Louise had fallen in love with him he wouldn’t be in this predicament ,  but it was because

Louise turned him down that he had come to Rome and it was in Rome where he met Maria .

A redhead called Maria , who really did love him and fulfilled all his dreams and fantasies ,

and he hers .

God it wasn’t fair .  So Michael was ordained ,  with twenty prostitutes looking on , he

couldn’t  invite them as his personal guests , but they were there in the church looking on .

Barry and Steve had flown over from Birmingham to watch the ceremony ,  they hadn’t the

heart to tell Michael that Aston Villa were playing Roma in some football competition , that

was the real reason they were there . But the three of them got pissed together after the

ceremony ,  with Michael’s “girls” joining in the fun . So Michael was now Father Michael

S.J. ,  so soon he’d return to England and his new parish . The first thing he did was go back

to “Stats”  and say Mass for them in the production office . If they knew what he’d been up too

they’d all condemn him , all except his true friends . And if they knew the stories the carpet

tiles could tell , beneath their very feet . A lot happens on a weekend night shift in the 70s and

80s ,  the Trevi Fountain was not the only place where things happen !

So Michael was given his Parish  , it was in the Black Country just outside

Birmingham ,  it was the Parish of The Blacksmith and Singing Anvil , next to an old steel

works , it was actually called Saint Jude’s . Michael was depressed ,  he still loved Maria , he

should  have never become a priest , but there was a shortage , and they had to work till at

least 75 , that’s why late vocations were allowed . So he fervently prayed for guidance  , Saint

Jude is the patron saint of the impossible ,  so anything was possible . Then one day Mrs

Murphy came for confession ,  she was a good talker and he was a good listener , so eventually

he told her his confession . She was shocked at first but then she told him about her Patrick .

Patrick had been heartbroken when the girl of his dreams left him .  But one day when the

RSPCA came to pick up a stray dog hadn’t the RSPCA man been a woman ,  and hadn’t it

been love at first sight , even though Patrick had smelt like a poof . Patrick had smelt like a

poof because his friend Amjit had made him a curry , no ordinary curry but one called

“Calcutta Surprize” ,  because it caught you unawares . So Patrick had to shower repeatedly

because of the surprize , and he ended up smelling like a poof and when Patrick had tried to

explain to June , that was the RSPCA man’s or rather woman’s name she thought that Amjit

was his boyfriend , and not just a friend , and that “Calcutta Surprize” was some form of gay

sex act , and not a curry. Anyway Mrs Murphy’s tale had made Michael laugh  , so as there

was no more people to confess the pair went and had a cuppa in the presbytery . The long and

the short of it was that Patrick got June pregnant , and June had been saving herself . But it

was the will of God so Mrs Murphy was happy , besides Patrick was 30 and it least it proved

that he wasn’t really a poof !

The next day Maria arrived ,  Mrs Murphy knew what true love was , and she knew

Maria because she worked at the children’s home ,  you see Patrick was given a penance by

the priest for getting June pregnant before marriage , the penance was to raise money for the

children’s home . The very home where Maria had fled to , when she decided to end her

relationship with Michael , who says that life isn’t a circle . Maria rung the bell on the

presbytery door , Michael opened it and screamed with the shock . They didn’t get as far as

the bedroom , by the way you do know that all priests are given single beds to remind them

they are single , well that’s the theory anyway . No , they got as far as the stairs . Their child

was conceived on the stairs of St Jude’s presbytery . You see nothing is impossible to God , yes

he needs priests , but God believes in true love too . Michael got a job working for Patrick in

the bakery and Maria opened a sandwich shop , with Michael helping out . They went on to

have eight children , you see St Jude is emphatic , never say never ,never say impossible to St.

Jude or God for that matter,

LOVE WILL ALWAYS FIND A WAY .

(((((((

www.michaelgcasey.wordpress.com

hope you liked it, now which am I the Priest or the Father?

I’d need a new wife and 6 more kids to copy the story.